Many decades ago, during my schooling days. I still remember this class mate of ours - Rony. He was very aggressive and abusive bully. Shouting at fellow students, pulling out and damaging books from bags of fellow students, picking up fight etc....
I always wondered as to why he is whatever he is. Am sure you would have come across many such personalities. Well may be worse or better, but such personalities do force us into thinking and mulling.
Have you ever wondered? Why John (fictitious name) keeps honking unnecessarily, while riding his bike in the neighborhood? Why your well to do neighbor loves to pick up your newspaper every morning? Why you always hear loud music playing in one of the houses, every late night?
The answer to above questions lie in their upbringing at a very young age. Don't get me wrong here. Am not here to lecture parents or teachers. am just trying to have a better clarity here.
To a very large extent, answer lies in the HUMANS' NEED FOR ATTENTION !!
Need for Attention is such a Powerful Human Need, some people will do almost anything to get it.
Engaging in negative behavior may be the way thy learnt to get attention at the very early days of their lives
It does not make sense for someone to engage in behavior that results in negative responses from others. But need for attention is emotional and not logical. What we learnt as children about getting attention were powerful lessons because they met our emotional needs. An emotional need often will not produce logical behavior choice.
How do we manage such behaviors?
What you STROKE is what you get !!
Dr. Eric Bernie, the creator of "Transactional Analysis system of social psychology", called every form of attention a STROKE
So, Every time you are using Compliments to drive a particular behavior or performance, you are stroking. Stroking in our day today lives or even a Work Place.
Stroking in the Workplace
What you stroke is what you get, applies to the work place as in rest of our lives. Whatever you give attention to , you will get more of, as in the following instances:
- If you give attention to mistakes while ignoring good work, you will have to deal with more and more mistakes.
- If you give attention to late arrivals, you will have a continuing tardiness problem.
- If you give attention to meeting goals and being accountable, you will have team that works hard to accomplish its goals and be accountable for its actions and decisions.
Stroking is a very powerful tool, in managing human behavior. Many of us struggle with putting this strategy into effect, as Parents/ Elders/Supervisors.
Often, because we do not ourselves prioritize the right deliverables or may be we have limited repertoire of strokes
Be it family front or work, its time to get our own priorities right and figure out more creative ways to to reinforce the Desired Behavior.
