Why and How to Be Assertive

 Being Assertive is NOT about Manipulation, Being Bossy or Pushy.

What is Assertiveness?

Being Assertive is about influencing the behavior of others in such a way that we stand up for our rights while recognizing theirs. What we say and the way we say it preserve the Self Esteem of both the parties, and are therefore likely to be more effective than being either aggressive or passive.

Assertiveness is based o Honesty in expressing our feelings and point of view, combined with caring about other person and our future relationship with each other.

Why Assertiveness?

Developing staff depends on a mutually assertive relationship, because Honesty and the Preservation of Self Esteem encourages learning. While Aggression tends to create Defensiveness or Counter-aggression- and may damage the relationship in the future. Passive behavior is unlikely to effect any change and will eventually erode the authority of the boss. Whereas Assertiveness encourages mutual respect and can therefore increase our authority.

Obviously, some situations at work dictate the most appropriate form of response. If you have just had a bomb alert, or have found someone drunk at the workplace, you are not concerned about the niceties of the communication- in either of these events or similar ones, there may not be any future relationship to worry about anyway !

But when it is important to you, to the company, or for the development of the individual, that you effectively influence their behavior without damaging the relationship - then Assertiveness is an Essential Skill to master.

Most people do like imposed solutions, even if they realize that they have been on the wrong side. Compliance may be only short term, whereas commitment to a shared solution represents positive development and can deepen relationships.

Assertiveness will usually not work unless both parties basically care about relationship. Some situations simply can be rescued:

• Either the relationship has gone so bad that there is no mutual respect left.
• or, one or the other side just doesn't care.
• or, is recognized as being insincere in the sentiments being expressed.

Insincerity or Bad faith turns assertiveness into Manipulation and rarely fools anyone.

Benefits of Assertiveness

• It enables you to change unwanted behavior without damaging relationship. (it improves relationships)
• It enables you to give negative feedback without diminishing people's self esteem, and without either of you loosing face.
• Your people and yourself, have greater commitment to agreed changes or action.
• Your people and you yourself develop from the experience.
• You can say NO, where ever appropriate, without creating resentment.
• It Manages conflicts, before they become too destructive.
• It creates better external relations.
• The teams pulls together better with increased openness and mutual respect.
• It develops Self Esteem and Self Confidence.

Can you think of many more benefits? Do it. Lets see how many more you can add.

Everyone has the right to make his /her needs and opinion known and to negotiate a solution. It is not so much what we say is important, but the way we say it.