How to Conduct Effective Counselling?

 Counselling techniques are pro-actively used as means of Staff Development or to remove barriers to development.

Counselling is likely to be most effective method of managing a situation in which a subordinate is coming to terms with strong feelings, facing up to reality, and deciding on a course of action which may need a lot of commitment to sustain. The counsellor's role is to provide environment, stimulus and support which enables the subordinate to achieve this on her/his own.

How to Conduct Effective Counselling?

Before you plan to begin with the Counselling session, do take care of following:

• Allow sufficient time and ensure that there are no interruptions from any source.
• Pick a venue that is informal, quiet and comfortable.
• Spend atleast 10 minutes, before counselling session, to review your knowledge of the person.
• Detach your image of the person from common stereotypes.

During your counselling session:

• Do not take not take notes during the interview, as it will create communication barrier. Hence, it will destroy the atmosphere of trust and frankness.
• Your opening remarks have to be warm and general. Prior Rapport will be an added advantage.
• It is important to tune into each other.

There after the Counselling interview can flow through Four stages:

1. Identifying The Problem: Ask them to tell you about the problem. Let them take their time. If necessary, help with simple questions. Listen carefully i.e. Employ Active Listening, which means maintaining regular and friendly, but not piercing, eye contact. So, you need to be aware of non-verbal communication as well. While listening you should not be thinking about - What to say next.

Frequently, the first problem identified and described is the one which they are able to recognize more readily, but there may be underlying problem they have either not realized or they have been avoiding.

Encourage them to look more deeply at the situation, with such questions as:

• What else you think might be causing this?
• Why is it a problem to you?
• What have you tried doing so far?

Working out why earlier actions have not resolved the problem/s, will reveal deeper causes.

Never at any stage in the interview criticize anything that the other person has said or has done by saying. Your intention is to help your subordinate get to the root of his/her problem. Hence, to make judgements about what is revealed in the process is an abuse of trust amounting to Psychological Violence.

It is helpful throughout the interview to paraphrase what has been said occasionally. This reflects back to subordinates the picture they are putting together, and it can help you guide them into next stage. if you think they are ready.

2. Accepting Feelings: Help the individual to recognize and accept the feelings being experienced as a result of the problem with such questions as:

• What did you feel like When.........?
• How do you feel now about..........?

Try to put yourself in other person's shoes with intent of helping the person.

3. Exploring Alternatives: Using the same kind of 'Open Questioning Techniques', encourage the individual to identify alternative responses to the problem. Also, the realistic implications of each alternative. Some of the useful phrases you can use are:

• Have you considered.........?
• What do you thing would happen if......?

But don't rush into solutions/ suggestions until the other person has put in great amount to effort and time to think of as many themselves. They should determine the direction they should follow. Too much direction from you may prevent further development.

4. Making The Decision: This has to be done entirely by the person you are counselling, because he/she has to be fully committed to it. You can help with such questions as:

• When do you have to make the decision?
• What do you think, you will do now?
• When / Where/ How do you think you might do that?

Of course they may decide not to take any action. They may wish to go away and give consideration to option.. But, No advice should be given, or pressure as to How they should decide and act.

There should be enough time to wind down the interview without abrupt stop. The person you are counselling feel satisfaction of having fully explored the problem, and know what personal follow up they need to be doing.

Counselling is not easy, but with practice and training will make you better with sessions and time.

Why and How to Be Assertive

 Being Assertive is NOT about Manipulation, Being Bossy or Pushy.

What is Assertiveness?

Being Assertive is about influencing the behavior of others in such a way that we stand up for our rights while recognizing theirs. What we say and the way we say it preserve the Self Esteem of both the parties, and are therefore likely to be more effective than being either aggressive or passive.

Assertiveness is based o Honesty in expressing our feelings and point of view, combined with caring about other person and our future relationship with each other.

Why Assertiveness?

Developing staff depends on a mutually assertive relationship, because Honesty and the Preservation of Self Esteem encourages learning. While Aggression tends to create Defensiveness or Counter-aggression- and may damage the relationship in the future. Passive behavior is unlikely to effect any change and will eventually erode the authority of the boss. Whereas Assertiveness encourages mutual respect and can therefore increase our authority.

Obviously, some situations at work dictate the most appropriate form of response. If you have just had a bomb alert, or have found someone drunk at the workplace, you are not concerned about the niceties of the communication- in either of these events or similar ones, there may not be any future relationship to worry about anyway !

But when it is important to you, to the company, or for the development of the individual, that you effectively influence their behavior without damaging the relationship - then Assertiveness is an Essential Skill to master.

Most people do like imposed solutions, even if they realize that they have been on the wrong side. Compliance may be only short term, whereas commitment to a shared solution represents positive development and can deepen relationships.

Assertiveness will usually not work unless both parties basically care about relationship. Some situations simply can be rescued:

• Either the relationship has gone so bad that there is no mutual respect left.
• or, one or the other side just doesn't care.
• or, is recognized as being insincere in the sentiments being expressed.

Insincerity or Bad faith turns assertiveness into Manipulation and rarely fools anyone.

Benefits of Assertiveness

• It enables you to change unwanted behavior without damaging relationship. (it improves relationships)
• It enables you to give negative feedback without diminishing people's self esteem, and without either of you loosing face.
• Your people and yourself, have greater commitment to agreed changes or action.
• Your people and you yourself develop from the experience.
• You can say NO, where ever appropriate, without creating resentment.
• It Manages conflicts, before they become too destructive.
• It creates better external relations.
• The teams pulls together better with increased openness and mutual respect.
• It develops Self Esteem and Self Confidence.

Can you think of many more benefits? Do it. Lets see how many more you can add.

Everyone has the right to make his /her needs and opinion known and to negotiate a solution. It is not so much what we say is important, but the way we say it.