How to Conduct Effective Counselling?

 Counselling techniques are pro-actively used as means of Staff Development or to remove barriers to development.

Counselling is likely to be most effective method of managing a situation in which a subordinate is coming to terms with strong feelings, facing up to reality, and deciding on a course of action which may need a lot of commitment to sustain. The counsellor's role is to provide environment, stimulus and support which enables the subordinate to achieve this on her/his own.

How to Conduct Effective Counselling?

Before you plan to begin with the Counselling session, do take care of following:

• Allow sufficient time and ensure that there are no interruptions from any source.
• Pick a venue that is informal, quiet and comfortable.
• Spend atleast 10 minutes, before counselling session, to review your knowledge of the person.
• Detach your image of the person from common stereotypes.

During your counselling session:

• Do not take not take notes during the interview, as it will create communication barrier. Hence, it will destroy the atmosphere of trust and frankness.
• Your opening remarks have to be warm and general. Prior Rapport will be an added advantage.
• It is important to tune into each other.

There after the Counselling interview can flow through Four stages:

1. Identifying The Problem: Ask them to tell you about the problem. Let them take their time. If necessary, help with simple questions. Listen carefully i.e. Employ Active Listening, which means maintaining regular and friendly, but not piercing, eye contact. So, you need to be aware of non-verbal communication as well. While listening you should not be thinking about - What to say next.

Frequently, the first problem identified and described is the one which they are able to recognize more readily, but there may be underlying problem they have either not realized or they have been avoiding.

Encourage them to look more deeply at the situation, with such questions as:

• What else you think might be causing this?
• Why is it a problem to you?
• What have you tried doing so far?

Working out why earlier actions have not resolved the problem/s, will reveal deeper causes.

Never at any stage in the interview criticize anything that the other person has said or has done by saying. Your intention is to help your subordinate get to the root of his/her problem. Hence, to make judgements about what is revealed in the process is an abuse of trust amounting to Psychological Violence.

It is helpful throughout the interview to paraphrase what has been said occasionally. This reflects back to subordinates the picture they are putting together, and it can help you guide them into next stage. if you think they are ready.

2. Accepting Feelings: Help the individual to recognize and accept the feelings being experienced as a result of the problem with such questions as:

• What did you feel like When.........?
• How do you feel now about..........?

Try to put yourself in other person's shoes with intent of helping the person.

3. Exploring Alternatives: Using the same kind of 'Open Questioning Techniques', encourage the individual to identify alternative responses to the problem. Also, the realistic implications of each alternative. Some of the useful phrases you can use are:

• Have you considered.........?
• What do you thing would happen if......?

But don't rush into solutions/ suggestions until the other person has put in great amount to effort and time to think of as many themselves. They should determine the direction they should follow. Too much direction from you may prevent further development.

4. Making The Decision: This has to be done entirely by the person you are counselling, because he/she has to be fully committed to it. You can help with such questions as:

• When do you have to make the decision?
• What do you think, you will do now?
• When / Where/ How do you think you might do that?

Of course they may decide not to take any action. They may wish to go away and give consideration to option.. But, No advice should be given, or pressure as to How they should decide and act.

There should be enough time to wind down the interview without abrupt stop. The person you are counselling feel satisfaction of having fully explored the problem, and know what personal follow up they need to be doing.

Counselling is not easy, but with practice and training will make you better with sessions and time.

Why and How to Know your Staff Better?

 We Can MANAGE – Whom we Know, With How much We Know and What We Know !!

Ask any number of bosses if they know their subordinates and they will say off-course they do. Do you know:

• About your Subordinates’ birthdays?
• The names of their children?
• Important anniversaries in their lives?
• What date did they join you, get last promotion, achievements at work?
• Their aspirations for the future?

Why to know?

Bosses who walk around their patch regularly. Stop to chat briefly at coffee time and take a personal interest in their staff generally have good rapport with their staff. This in turn leads to positive Assertive Behavior.

Even with small number of staff, it is useful to keep a notebook or a card index of important personal details, interests and major achievement to help you to build up a picture of the whole person. Without this positive effort, we see only the tip of the iceberg of each individual.

Reflect for a moment on following suggestions:

• A good boss/subordinate relation is is often the most important factor in job satisfaction.
• “The Boss” is a powerful influence in most people’s lives.
• The power of shared values as motivators and developers cannot be over-estimated and they can only be transmitted through sound relationships based on mutual knowledge and understanding.
• Your subordinates probably have same ‘hang-ups’ and worries that you have.
• They want to know you too, because they can relate better to someone they can understand as a person.

How to know?

The better we know people, the easier it is to engage their interest in the work and goals of the department, and to develop their abilities and intent to achieving them. Effective Communication, whether verbal or written, always begins with putting yourself in other persons shoes.

You typically almost half of the week with your staff. Hence is is important to know your staff at least half as well as you know your family. Some of the activities are suggested below:

• Do not delegate interviewing your staff.
• Be part of their induction process.
• Do create weekly and monthly interaction/training/development platforms.
• Water Cooler and Coffee break chats are very good and effective tool. Never undermine.
• Periodic family meetings or get-togethers do wonders. One a quarter or twice annually.
• Do create a process, where you have recorded information and timely updates on staff’s important dates – Birthdays, Anniversary, promotion, achievements etc….
• Do make sure that you wish them or congratulate them on their special dates..

Can you think of any more? Please do share what you can think of.

You can’t relate to the unknown, and you cannot develop what you don’t relate with.

Why and How to Be Assertive

 Being Assertive is NOT about Manipulation, Being Bossy or Pushy.

What is Assertiveness?

Being Assertive is about influencing the behavior of others in such a way that we stand up for our rights while recognizing theirs. What we say and the way we say it preserve the Self Esteem of both the parties, and are therefore likely to be more effective than being either aggressive or passive.

Assertiveness is based o Honesty in expressing our feelings and point of view, combined with caring about other person and our future relationship with each other.

Why Assertiveness?

Developing staff depends on a mutually assertive relationship, because Honesty and the Preservation of Self Esteem encourages learning. While Aggression tends to create Defensiveness or Counter-aggression- and may damage the relationship in the future. Passive behavior is unlikely to effect any change and will eventually erode the authority of the boss. Whereas Assertiveness encourages mutual respect and can therefore increase our authority.

Obviously, some situations at work dictate the most appropriate form of response. If you have just had a bomb alert, or have found someone drunk at the workplace, you are not concerned about the niceties of the communication- in either of these events or similar ones, there may not be any future relationship to worry about anyway !

But when it is important to you, to the company, or for the development of the individual, that you effectively influence their behavior without damaging the relationship - then Assertiveness is an Essential Skill to master.

Most people do like imposed solutions, even if they realize that they have been on the wrong side. Compliance may be only short term, whereas commitment to a shared solution represents positive development and can deepen relationships.

Assertiveness will usually not work unless both parties basically care about relationship. Some situations simply can be rescued:

• Either the relationship has gone so bad that there is no mutual respect left.
• or, one or the other side just doesn't care.
• or, is recognized as being insincere in the sentiments being expressed.

Insincerity or Bad faith turns assertiveness into Manipulation and rarely fools anyone.

Benefits of Assertiveness

• It enables you to change unwanted behavior without damaging relationship. (it improves relationships)
• It enables you to give negative feedback without diminishing people's self esteem, and without either of you loosing face.
• Your people and yourself, have greater commitment to agreed changes or action.
• Your people and you yourself develop from the experience.
• You can say NO, where ever appropriate, without creating resentment.
• It Manages conflicts, before they become too destructive.
• It creates better external relations.
• The teams pulls together better with increased openness and mutual respect.
• It develops Self Esteem and Self Confidence.

Can you think of many more benefits? Do it. Lets see how many more you can add.

Everyone has the right to make his /her needs and opinion known and to negotiate a solution. It is not so much what we say is important, but the way we say it.

How to Manage Your Boss

 How do you see your Boss - as a boon or a burden?

It is as much your job to create an effective working relationship with your boss it is his/hers. After-all It takes two to tango. If the relationship is poor, you must be at least half the problem. Once you realize this, you can be at least half the solution.

In normal business situations, we do not get to choose our bosses. This is just like the fact that in our personal lives, we usually do not get to choose our relatives. So, unless we want to make life hell for ourselves and our subordinates, damage the company, or move on, we must find means and ways to effectively collaborate with our bosses. This is to achieve their priorities as well as our own, in pursuit of organisational goals.

There are for important things to remember about bosses:

• They are human i.e they are not infallible and have the same needs and hang-ups as rest of us.
• They are dependent on us as we are upon them.
• They have different constraints, pressures and priorities than we have- it is never quite possible to fully appreciate the view their window.
• They have bosses too.

Not only it is in your own interests to maintain an effective working relationship with the bosses, but as manager, you are also a representative of your subordinates in from of your boss as well as organisation. If your have read my previous blog on Knowing Yourself, identifying your strengths and weaknesses. You use that information to manage your relationship with your boss too.

Managing your boss also means - Influencing your boss. And it is worth remembering that there are four major sources of power:

1. Expertise
2. Personality
3. Resources
4. Status

You and your boss will have varied levels of elements present out of the above four sources of power. In many situations, you and your boss might be almost at par except the fourth one.

 you know about yourself, you boss, and your powerbase, you may influence your boss, in following ways:

• Work on Creating Rapport with your boss.
• Nothing succeeds like success, but only if he the boss knows about it. Find ways to inform him/her of your people's achievements and of your own success.
• Make your boss look good - in front of his boss, management, and his teams.
• Do not let yourself or your team be perceived as problem creators, but as problem solvers.
• Set up healthy boundaries, in yours and your team's relationship with your boss.
• Check out with your boss that staff development that you propose is compatible with company culture and your boss's idea.
• Associate closely with your boss on discussions, propose seminars etc - to enable your boss to effectively develop his team and yours, to help him get to his business goals.
• Involve your boss, in your team's development activities and sessions.
• Share the progress reports and other developments in his business environment. Keep him abreast with whatever is happening and impacting business.
• Nurture contacts and relationships with help of your business, and involving him.

I suggest that you closely discuss with your teams and add more action points. Idea is to create a cordial working environment by creating yourself as an extension of your boss. 

After all your and your boss's objectives are same - Get to the Business Objectives.

How to Manage Disastrous Effects of Stress?

 'Stress Syndrome Foundation' has estimated that every year industry looses billions of dollars due to stress-related illness. It has been fast becoming major disease of our time. This is not only causing high absence rates from sickness but also leads to higher employee attrition. Worst is rising cases of early deaths.

Some occupations have inherently higher stress potential than others. The following examples are drawn from a research done by Cary Cooper, Professor of Organizational Psychology at 'Manchester Institute of Science & Technology'. The ratings are from 10(the highest stress potential) to 0.

Miner (highest Quoted) 8.3

Police 7.7

Nurse, Midwife 6.5

Salesman, Shop assistant 5.7

Civil Servant 4.4

Banker 3.7

Librarian 2.0

You may know people who thrive on pressure- produce their best results against tight deadlines. They are in their element working all hours, and preferable on several different jobs at the same time. A certain amount of pressure is good. it keeps us alert and stimulated, but for each of us there is an optimum level at which we give our best. Beyond that or below it (see the above graph) we can suffer physically and psychologically from stress and strain.

People who operate well and healthy in high pressure jobs are those with a high threshold for pressure. The danger is that this can vary with age, state of general health and other events happening in family and social life. No one is immune from effects of stress if it is not recognized and managed at an early stage. Working in an environment which is constantly below one's pressure optimum can also lead to similar results. Examples - simply not having enough to do, or doing tasks which do not fully utilize one's skills and abilities.

The basis of managing stress is maintaining this optimum pressure balance (refer to the graph above)against constant changes in biological, social and environmental factors, over many of which we do not have much control. It becomes essentially important to recognize that employees are whole people, incorporating social and psychological needs, and not just animated work stations.

Potential sources of stress - major life changes, personality/early experiences, factors inherent to job - are all inter-related and can potentiate and spill into each other.

Life changes also trigger Stress - bereavement, illness, divorce or injury and such other situations.

Supposedly Pleasant Events are also Stress Creators - Marriage of self or in family, Child birth, buying a new bigger house, a new job...

Stress could be due to anyone of the above or combination or a few of the above situations. It could be stressful even in situations like- Public speaking, sudden loss or gain of money. But whatever the reason for stress is, it is of paramount importance that Stress is timely Identified, understood and corrected. Some of the common Stress Symptoms, described by managers are:

Physical: aches and pains, especially in head, neck and back. dry mouth, sweaty palms, increased heart beat, nausea, indigestion, fatigue, agitation, insomnia, cramps, tremors, waking up tired, heart attack...

Psychological: anxiety, confusion, withdrawal, frustration, irrational fear, depression...

Behavioral: Over/under eating, irritation and erratic actions, poor judgement, mood swings, excessive smoking and drinking...

Even if you are not the source of stress in any way. There are a lot of other steps to create an environment in which you and your team can learn to identify and work within your optimum pressure levels most of the time:

• Establish a positive attitude towards work in the work place.
• Be on look out for early signs of what may be stress. Encourage others to do the same.
• Maintain active face to face contact with your team members and other stake holders.
• Arrange training sessions on Stress Management.
• Regularly review your owns and team's Time Management issues.
• Encourage Regular Exercises.
• Do not hold meetings in angry and unduly charged environment.

You may add up many other Points of Actions, post discussions with your team members. These collated points can also be displayed in your office and discussed often, to ensure well being of yourself and your teams.

How to manage - Know Yourself.

 Management is about encouraging and controlling the Behavior of others.

How can we effectively control the behavior of others? I mean, Why will they listen to me? Why will they act or behave according to my wishes and instructions?

Well, I cannot just get people to fall in line with what I want them to do. Definitely not, unless I understand, encourage and control my own behavior first. And if I wish to positively develop the attributes of whom I manage, then Self Knowledge becomes even more important. The two major reasons for this, which I can think of are:

• Attitudes and prejudices learnt throughout our lives, sometimes in totally different contexts, influence what we say or do now, even without knowing it.
• What we say and do can have lasting impact on others, and usually determines the response we get in return.

One of the greatest influences on how we behave with others is the Self Image that we have of ourselves. This also acts as filter, interpreting all the other information our senses feed to us.

Same has been emphasized, in no less words, in our Indian Ethos through texts right from Vedas to today's Gurus and mentors - "Dealing effectively with outside world begins with understanding of ourselves." 

In the year 1970, an American psychiatrist- Thomas A Harris, wrote a best seller on this theme. He published his work in the book named - I'm OK, You are OK.

Using his work, we can identify and map out the position from which we view life.

1. Managers with Life Position "You are ok, I'm OK" feel good about themselves and about their subordinates. As a result a mistake is a learning opportunity which does not threaten but develops the employee and cements the relationship for future.
2. I'm OK, You are Not OK manager has a good opinion about his or her own abilities, but tends to build up his/her image by putting other people down. The manager's subordinates are highly unlikely to admit mistakes in this relationship, and will certainly not learn and develop as a result. Mistrust becomes mutual and when the subordinate tries to hide the mistake, or corrects it ineffectively without guidance,it will further reinforce the manager's view that the subordinate in no good.

However, the good news is once we are aware , we can make a change or course correction. A good boss/manager would want to develop an 'I,m OK, You are OK' relationship with his/her people for the reasons which are central to Effective Management and good results:

• It leads to better judgments when making decisions about delegation, promotion or recruitment.
• It develops trust not only between the boss and the subordinate but between team and department as a whole, and trust is basis of good management as well as staff development.
• It encourages realistically high expectations of a person's ability, which are more likely to be met.
• It enables coaching and counselling to be carried out positively and effectively without judgement.
• It enables honest appraisals of performance to be made, and it can lead to genuine improvements and justified rewards.
• It creates the kind of relation in which boss and subordinates can share the same values and aim for high goals.
• It makes life lot more satisfying for everyone.

As I feel good about me, and I also feel good about you, lets work together to increase the awareness of your life's position, and ways you can change it if you wish.

One thing all of us will need to realize. Whatever is written above applies equally to all of us, and not just the manger or the leader. Whether you are a manager, subordinate, driver, union leader, factory worker, salesman....... This applies to all to effectively manage our respective environment well...

I'm OK, You are OK.

Build Confidence.

 To Think Confidently, Act Confidently.

Here is the psychological principle that is worth reading and reading over and over again and again...

To Think Confidently, Act Confidently

As Swami Vivekanand, one of the great Indian Thinker, Sage, Guru, puts it in one of his thought - "We are what our thoughts have made us. So take care about what you think. Words are secondary, thoughts live. They travel far."

Psychologists tell us that we can change our attitudes by changing our physical actions. For example: You will feel more like smiling, if you make yourself smile. You will feel more superior when you stand tall than when you slouch. On the negative side - Make effort to find faults in your best friend or love of our life, you will start hating them in a matter of few days.

You can prove very easily to yourself that Managed Motions can Change Emotions. 

People who are shy, introducing themselves, can replace their shyness with confidence just by taking three simple actions:

1. Reach out for other person's hand and clasp it warmly
2. Look directly at the other person
3. Say, I'm very glad to know you.

These three actions, instantly and automatically banishes shyness. Confident actions produce confident thinking.

So, to think confidently, act Confidently. Act the way you want to feel. Following are the five confidence building exercises. Make the conscious effort to practice them to build your confidence.

1. Be A Front Seater: Yo u must have noticed in meetings - in classrooms, office meeting rooms and other kind of assemblies - how back seats fill up first? Most people rush to take the back seats first so they won't be "too conspicuous." And the reason they are afraid to be conspicuous is that they lack confidence.

          Sitting up front builds confidence. Practice it. From now on make it a rule to sit as close              to the front as you can. 

    

      2. Practice Making Eye Contact: How a person uses his eyes tells us  a lot about him.             Instinctively, you ask yourself questions about the fellow who does not look into your                 eyes - "What is he trying to hide? What is he afraid of? Is he trying to put something over          on me? Is he holding something back?

         Usually, failure to make proper eye contact says a thing or two about you - "I feel weak             besides you" or "I feel inferior to you". or "I'm afraid of you."

         Or, avoiding another person's eyes may say - "I feel guilty. I have done something that I             do not want you to know. I'm afraid if I have an eye connect with you, you might see                   through me..."

         You do not say anything good about yourself, when you avoid making eye             contact.

         Make your eyes work for you. Look straight into the eyes of other person and interact. It             not only gives you Confidence, It helps you win confidence too.

      3. Walk faster than you usually do: Well, I'm a Walk-watcher. Watching people walk is           fun. In corridors, in lanes, on the sidewalks, in offices - I love to study humans by                     watching them walk and move about doing their normal activities.

         Psychologists link slovenly postures and sluggish walking to unpleasant attitudes to one            self, work and people around us. But psychologists also tell us that you can actually                         change your attitudes by changing your postures and speed of movement. Watch, and                     you will discover that your body action is result of your mind action. The extremely                     beaten person, the real down and out variety just shuffles and stumble along. They have             zero self-confidence.

        

        Average People have Average Walk. Their pace is average. The Walk reflects - "I do            not have much pride in myself."

        The third group is persons with Super-Confidence. They walk faster than the average.                There seems to be a slight sprint in the way they walk. Their walks reflects - "I have                    someplace important to go. Something important to do and I'm looking forward to                    succeed..

        Use the Walk-Faster technique to help yourself build self-confidence. Throw your                        shoulders back, lift your head up, move ahead a little faster and feel the Self-Confidence           Grow.

   4. Practice Speaking up:  In working with many kinds of groups of all sizes. I have                     watched many persons with keen perception and much native freeze and fail to participate       in discussions. It is not that these people do not want to be part of group or do not know             what to say, It is just lack of confidence.

      They think of themselves - "My opinion is probably worthless. Others anyway know more          that me. I might look foolish." and so on....

        Every time he fails to say something, he feels further inferior and worthless.        and each time he feels less confident about himself.

       On the Positive side, The more you speak the more confident you feel about yourself. The         more confident you feel about yourself, more you want to speak and put forward your                views in future. So, Speak Up. 

        So, Next time, put this Confidence Builder in practice - Make it a rule to Speak up at every         opening meeting you attend. Speak up, voluntarily, at every business meeting, conference,        community forums etc. you attend. Make No Exception. Try to be the first one to speak.

    5. Smile Big: You must have heard from many people that the Smile gives them a real                boost. They have been told that smile is an excellent medicine for Confidence Deficiency.         But a lot of people do not really believe in this because they never tried smiling when they         felt fear.

        Make this little test. Try to feel defeated and smile big at the same time. You can't. A big            smile gives you confidence. A big smile beats fear , rolls away worries, and defeats                        despondency.

        A real big smile makes friends, melts away misunderstandings, irons out insincerity.                    Another person cannot be angry with you.

        Many a times people say that they do feel like smiling when they have fear, when they are         angry, when they feel down. Off course you don't feel like smiling, no one does. The trick            is to force yourself to smile and then Smile Big..

       Harness the Power of Smile. 

       Closing note is same as the beginning note:  To Think Confidently, Act Confidently.